From recent posts we learned there's nothing wrong with the existing square dance programs and we'd better not change anything. We learned that almost nobody is using Square Dance ABC. Those who do use it are hopelessly inept. ABC contains the wrong set of calls, the plan is full of holes, it needs a major overhaul, and it cannot possibly succeed.
But just in case ABC does miraculously work, today's loudest and most obnoxious naysayers are concocting the best possible list of calls for ABC'ers who wise up and take a class for a skyrocket ride to Soft Plus.
( Does anyone else see the irony? ABC cannot possibly work, yet at the same time they're designing the actual list they're gonna use to lure ABC people into a class once they "get bored" and decide to "Move Up"? W O W !! )
Square Dance ABC really is based on the well-researched fact that today's people are not interested in a year-long class yet they will gladly try a square dance. Since people will buy a square dance, why don't we just up and sell 'em one? I've been excited about ABC for almost a year now.
But due to all the helpful advice on this forum, I finally woke up. The internet posting gurus finally showed me the error of my ways. It's time to stop fooling around with ABC. Besides, ABC is not how we've always done things.
The short story is ...
I QUIT!
But before I quit, I need everyone's helpful advice one last time. How can we gently break the news to ABC dancers? The letter below needs just a little tweaking. Can you please help refine the wording?
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Dear Friend,
I'm sorry. I lied to you. I invited you to an Easy ABC Square Dance. You did come to the dance and you did have fun. Many of you came back. Many of you brought your friends. But now it's time to face the truth.
You have not actually square danced yet. You have not even been to a DANCE. Instead, you are a STUDENT. You are in a CLASS and each week you take a LESSON. Your JOB is to STUDY the calls. You must LEARN the PRECISE DEFINITION from ALL POSITIONS then PRACTICE each call REPEATEDLY until you PAINSTAKINGLY MASTER each one AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.
If you KEEP UP at EVERY LESSON, then maybe you will GRADUATE. We'll have a CEREMONY and MAKE FUN OF YOU. As a RECENT BEGINNER you will FUMBLE AND STUMBLE AROUND for MONTHS. Finally, TWO YEARS FROM TODAY you will at long last EARN the title of EXPERIENCED DANCER. You might even get to dance in a GOOD square with the GOOD dancers, instead of all the CRUMMY squares which often BREAK DOWN because, let's face it, you are a DOOFUS.
Our club desperately needs good WORKERS to TAKE OFFICE, RUN THE CLUB, and ADHERE TO THE BYLAWS. You are invited to JOIN THE CLUB, PAY DUES, ATTEND MEETINGS, BUY A CLOSET FULL OF CLOTHES and come to WORKSHOP every week.
If you have any friends, DRAG THEM to the next CLASS which starts in about a YEAR. You'll be RESPONSIBLE for TAKING CARE of your STUPID RECRUITS by PULLING THEM THROUGH the moves each CLASS night. We also NEED you to SUPPORT the club by wearing FULL SQUARE DANCE ATTIRE every WORKSHOP NIGHT and CLUB MEETING and DEMO and FUND-RAISER and EXHIBITION and BANNER RAID.
Again, please accept my APOLOGY. I thought we had been dancing all along. My friends on the internet graciously informed me I was WRONG. The sooner you ENROLL in a RIDICULOUSLY LONG CLASS, the sooner you can actually DANCE in just a FEW YEARS.
Sincerely,
Nasser "how would you improve that message?" Shukayr