Square Hopper is essentially a Pogo Stick with several important enhancements:
- Square Hopper bounces in time with the music.
- It can jump heights of 6 feet or more.
- Unsightly mechanical parts are covered by a fluffy petticoat.
With Square Hopper you can go directly to your correct ending position by bouncing OVER anyone in your way. Just imagine! No more bumping into people. No more saying "Pardon me" which might cause you to miss the next call. With Square Hopper, the right spot is just a hop away!
What if two dancers in a square both have Square Hoppers? No problem! Whenever two Square Hoppers meet in flight, the Right Shoulder Rule applies. And if two Square Hoppers end on the same spot, they take turns bouncing diagonally into that one spot. A new organization (HopperLab) will be formed to define these and many other rules.
Square Hopper helps dancers keep in time with the music. The main spring is easily adjustable. Simply ask your caller to announce the music tempo prior to each tip. Square Hopper's main scale is calibrated in Beats (Hops) Per Minute. The secondary scale is an old-fashioned 45 RPM slider, and the third scale is the simplest with just three easy settings: Normal, Too Slow, and Hang On For Dear Life.
As a special promotion, if you buy eight Square Hoppers the ninth one is free! And just WHO will use that ninth Square Hopper? The CALLER of course! Some callers are not accustomed to dancers hopping up and down. The caller might become disoriented. But if the caller uses a Square Hopper too, then everyone bounces at the same time so everything appears normal.
Callers must be careful to watch only hopping dancers, without looking at the walls, ceiling and floor. The sight of the room bouncing up and down might distract the caller. Please note that many callers are accustomed to seeing a room SPINNING around, especially while imbibing after a dance. But a room HOPPING up and down is a totally new sensation which should be avoided.
Don't expect to use your Square Hopper right away! You'll need lessons. For your convenience, lessons start once a year and the class lasts eight months. The first two lessons are free, but if you miss three lessons you're out and you have to start over. After graduation you must hop only in beginner squares for a year until you're finally allowed into good squares. Most people would be turned off by all these restrictions. But you're already a square dancer, so you already know how to survive such an ordeal.
With Square Hopper, you'll end up where you need to be, in style and in time with the music. Everyone else will have one. Whether or not you're ready, don't you want to rush to the same level as everyone else? Order your Square Hopper today!
Nasser "If you can bounce, you can Square Hop" Shukayr