YES! If YOU return the winning number by the contest deadline, Ed McMahon or another seriously old person will ring your doorbell and give you the GRAND PRIZE!
But you MUST return your lucky numbers to have even a ghost of a chance at winning. These numbers have been assigned only to YOU. No one else has YOUR numbers. Here are your three LUCKY numbers:
Seven, and Eight, and Nine
Okay, we admit that we're just now trying to get this deal started. Don't you wanna be in on the GROUND FLOOR? Don't you wanna win the GRAND PRIZE? Don't you wanna meet a famous OLD PERSON?
Of COURSE you do! So, what are you waiting for? Return your lucky numbers today, because you may have already won the grand prize!
Now you're probably thinking this contest is "rigged". You're thinking that the winning number was secretly sent to somewhere in China, and the lucky winner will receive the winning number long after the contest deadline has passed, and the recipient cannot read English anyway, and there's NO way for ANYONE to possibly win the grand prize.
How did you KNOW?? You must be psychic or somethin'. Since you ain't gonna win the grand prize anyhow, perhaps you'd be interested in the Runner-Up Prize!
The Runner-Up Prize (which you've already won) is that you will be WANTED. You will be DESIRABLE. People will want you to JOIN them. Do you feel Wanted or Desirable, right now? Of course not! Do you have any idea how the Runner-Up Prize will make you Wanted and Desirable? Of course not! So, I'll tell you.
The Runner-Up Prize is a set of beginner square dance lessons. After you complete these lessons, other callers in your area will want you, Plus Clubs will want you, Round Dance Clubs will want you, various Associations will want you on their board of directors, Advanced Clubs will want you, Clogging Clubs will want you, and there will be just a whole slew of people who will want you to leave your own square dance club and join theirs.
Keep in mind that none of these folks want you NOW, but they will ALL want you after you finish your beginner square dance lessons!
And don't worry about the club where you learned to square dance. They will simply have to find more new dancers, teach 'em to dance, and feed 'em into all the other clubs who will suddenly want them. I know it sounds harsh, but it's really not all that bad. Besides, the Basic and Mainstream clubs have become accustomed to it.
So, what are you waiting for? Return those winning numbers, TODAY!
Nasser "wonder what the grand prize would have been?"